I know there is a lot of negativity floating around for the year 2016. But I cannot help but soak in all of the good for this year. For me, good always outweighs the bad.
I spent the majority of this year pregnant. What I thought would be a hindrance, turned out to be a complete miracle, a deeply residing joy. I learned that I enjoy being pregnant. It centers you. It brings you closer to who you are. You have to sit with yourself, trust yourself. You can’t unwind with a glass of wine at the end of the day and you can’t chug 5 cups of coffee to start your day either. You are more aware of your body and mind than ever before. These were all things I thought would be off-putting, but they turned out to be blessings.
Pregnancy pushes you to try your best. This was the year I pushed myself to get an essay in the New York Times. I also signed up for my first half marathon to complete six months postpartum. Before, I wanted to try my best for myself, my family, for Nick. Now with a little bundle of life inside of me, I want to try for him. And I don’t even really know him. But I know he will be worth it.
I think pregnancy brought Nick and I closer together. There is something that runs deep about doing something big together. To make the choice. To be there for each other. Nick has been my best friend and greatest partner through this pregnancy.
For 2017, I feel that I will be doing a lot of leaning. Leaning into new things. Motherhood. Writing. New paths. I want to begin public speaking. On topics I’m passionate about. I never want to look back at my life and wish I would have done the things I didn’t. If opportunities present themselves, I want to say Yes. I want to take them. I never want to make excuses — that I can’t do something because I’m a mom or I’m tired. Or whatever. I want to keep growing, expanding, learning.
I’ll tell you what I don’t want.
I don’t want to try and lose ten pounds. (Such a common force of a New Year’s resolution.) If I lose pregnancy weight, cool. I probably will because I miss being active. But I’m not going to put that on my vision board. I want to wear less/no make-up. I want to stay closer to who I am. I want to grow my imagination. I want to be present. Put the phone down. When we are on our deathbeds we won’t remember the mornings of scrolling through our semi-friends’ Facebook newsfeeds. We will remember looking into the eyes of the person we love. We will remember the rain pattering outside our window, as our cat cuddled up on our bellies. We will remember surprising our spouses with an impromptu breakfast in bed.
For 2017, I want to truly live. To laugh hard. Cry easily. To see the beauty. To be the beauty. I think all of us could use a little more of this. We could all use a pregnancy (metaphorical or not) to bring us back to ourselves.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Let’s stay friends in 2017.
P.S. I’m still pregnant. I’m not sure this baby wants to leave me. I’m 38 ½ weeks. I assumed that because my mom delivered my sisters and me at 37 weeks, I would too. Pregnancy has also taught me to assume less.